this was written some time in february 2018
blank slate
from the beginning
nothing to hide on page one
i wanted more colour but
i chose blank canvas over
lines
space
over ruled lines
my head hurts my heart aches and something
is dying
while something else
is born inside me
death
growth
rebirth
I was a spunky little kid
spirit silenced and
squeezed
choked
extracted from
as if my life force could be ingested as a magic potion
I have no anchor right now
I am floating on turbulent seas
I don’t want to grasp anything
just because I want to dock my boat on
solid land
without this I can know that my ship
has structure
my body its home and
I can
survive at sea
I may need to find new ways of being
but that is not impossible
I want a blank slate but we don’t ever get one
we get a blank future
maybe it’s okay to work towards something
sure - we need to be present and enjoy the now
but maybe
we
or I
need to work toward a vision
I need hope
if that is what gets me through or
helps me enjoy the now
that is okay
I need hope
my blank future
is where I’ll find colour